New Spokesperson at DHS

Stung by criticism from a variety of sources, the Department of Homeland Security has hired a new spokesperson to allow Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff more time to actually work on improving the safety and security of the American people.

The new DHS spokesperson, Bob Smith, will allow Secretary Chertoff and FEMA Director Michael Brown more time to concentrate on photo opportunites with local politicians and to avoid tough questions from reporters. Smith, formerly a member of the Coalition Press Office in Baghdad, has extensive experience dealing with the press in situation where the truth, or even facts, have no bearing on the actual situation.

Smith will be forced to deal with newspaper headlines that suggest that there is a disconnect from his department's view of situations and the way they are seen in the "reality based" world. Or lies like these from the television networks.

Smith vows to never let the facts get in the way of the spin required to turn a baldfaced lie into a New York Times call for a conference on blogger ethics.